Piper is sitting at her laptop in the garden room at No.22.
Caption: PIPE UP
PIPER: Hey guys, this week has been crazy. Crraazzzyyy.
Caption: CRAZY
PIPER:(slow motion) Crazzzzyyyy. (At normal speed) I can't really talk about what happened.
She makes a sign of a zip across her lips.
PIPER: But I do want to talk about what happened in principal, because I feel it's really important, and I wanted to make a video about it as you can probably see from the title below. My best friend is really miserable lately because of a horrible situation. And, as a friend, I just don't know what I can do to help her. I mean, maybe it's best that I don't do anything at all, then that way, there's no chance of me making everything worse, which...is a very real possibility at the moment. My decision-making is as brilliant as Australia's performance at the Games...
She looks ironically at the camera.
PIPER: So, in an attempt to cheer up my friend, I found this app...this is not sponsored, like, *at all*, I genuinely found an app and I thought it would cheer her up. What you do is, you put in a photo of yourself, or your friend that needs cheering up, and it tells you what dog you look like. I did Mark, who is the local policeman and he got a German Shepherd which I found as very, very fitting. I wanted to do Imogen, I know that she watches my channel, and I thought that she would get, like, offended if I was like, uh, she's going to be something else like really uptight and anal, and like...sorry, Imogen, I didn't do you. But I *did* put in a photo of one of my teachers, I'm not going to say who it was...(whispers) you can probably all guess. (At normal volume) Don't leave any comments down below cos I'm not going to say who it is...let's, er, see what she got. Or he. He or she....
She looks at her phone.
PIPER: The survey says...yep, just as I thought, a real capital B...(cut in video) ...bulldog. B for bulldog.
She claps.
PIPER: It's alright, hold on, I have to send this to my friend, because it *will* cheer her up. I *did* do my friend as well, the one that needed cheering up...tandel, tangeled, rambled tangient...rambled for a bit, but I *did* do my friend and she got a Chow Chow. Which are meant to be loyal and all these, like, amazing qualities. It didn't cheer her up. It just really upsets me that I even needed to cheer her up in the first place, that she's in a situation where I have to cheer her up all because of some guy was so...
She intakes a breath in anger.
PIPER: So, it's now time for class, kiddies! That was a bit weird, wasn't it, 'kiddies'? You're not kiddies...well actually, I don't know, how old are you guys? I mean, are you older than me, or younger than me, because if you're older that me, that would be a bit patronising, but 'kiddies', like, if you're a kiddie...I felt it sounded a bit creepy.
She grins into the camera.
PIPER: Kiddies...like, it was just a bit weird, I digress. It's now class time, and today's lesson is, when no means no.
In the next cut, Piper has dropped out of shot and we can just see her arm, which is holding a hole- punch, which she is using as a puppet.
PIPER: Here we have Mr Hole-Punch...I love football and...
Piper peeps up at the camera
PIPER:(whispers) What would footballers say?
We cut back to the hole punch.
PIPER: Mr-Hole Punch is keen on Mrs Pink Highlighter.
She holds up a pink highlighter pen.
MR HOLE-PUNCH: Hey, little lady! Want to see me punch some holes...and kick some goals?
Piper pokes her head back up.
PIPER: Get it, because he's a footballer?!
She holds up the hole-punch and the pink highlighter pen.
HIGHLIGHTER PEN: Ooooh, um, no, I just kinda wanna hashtag all day and...
The highlighter pen screams as the hole-punch jumps on her.
PIPER: As you can probably see, the whole situation made Mrs Pink Highlighter feel very uncomfortable. Mr Hole-Punch wouldn't take no for an answer. Even though we all should know, girls and boys, that NO MEANS NO! And look, it doesn't need to be said verbally, it can be non-direct or via body-language, but if Mrs Pink Highlighter doesn't want to highlight...back off! Full stop. Sorry, that got a little bit heavy...
She throws the hole-punch over her shoulder.
PIPER: I promise that next week I'll try and be a little more...upbeat.
She beats on a plastic bucket like a drum.
PIPER: See what I did, there? Up...beat...? I just want to say thank you to all 31,343 of you now who are now subscribing, and as always, if you guys want to leave a comment down below, uh, any questions that you have, for another video for next week. Subscribe! Or not, like, I don't care, but seriously...subscribe! Yeah, I'll see you all next week! Ciao!
